CARNOUSTIE EAST-ENDERS GOLF SOCIETY

Easter Tour 2000, 21 - 24th April, Blackpool

                                                             

Well boys another Tour has come and gone. I am still trying to figure out where it went. Start with a big thank you to Jules for organising Fawlty Towers and picking 3 great golf courses. I’m glad we never looked for another course when we heard the bad vibes about the De Vere course. 

Brian and me started earlier than you Wendy’s and set off on Thursday morning with the aim of finding what was what in Blackpool. 4 cans of Heineken followed by 4 cans of Stella put paid to that idea. We did however manage a game of bingo, and demolish another 8 pints, 6 bottles of Budweiser and 8 double vodka’s before we found our way home to the hotel. Everyone having their mobile phones and having each other’s numbers worked a treat! As everyone had arrived on time (a first for a CEGS tour) we moved our tee off time forward. Golf course was only 8 clicks so an easy journey to start off with.

 

Golf Day 1

 

Ron liked his first sight of Blackpool North Shore course and was probably upset he had not increased his bet on himself to win the singles. A good course that everyone enjoyed apart from the rainstorm that blew through for 10 / 15 minutes. Probably the most eventful thing that happened was Potter ending up on his arse. Had his shiny, golfing in Riyadh shoes on, not any good in the rain. Jules also was not very happy. Was not driving as far as he hoped! (See statements and gibbers) 

Steve sweeps the money, a trend was emerging. Back to the hotel to catch up with TC who had been dithering about on the trains for about 8 hours. We would have called him but no one had the phone list or there mobile! 

In to Rafferty’s before a night out on the town. Lots of moaning about needing food, so we headed off on the elusive search for a pub with food. A lot harder than you would have believed. Impossible actually if you are not including crisps and peanuts. Watched the Liverpool and Everton match (remember Ed, Liverpool played on the Friday). After the match we found Blackpool’s equivalent of a Kentucky. First bar we hit in the centre of Blackpool was outrageous. The barmaids were stunning. Just my luck I get a bloke to serve me rather than the two gorgeous chicks. After a few beers Brian was lagging and had to be taken home. This led to a minor exodus with Ron and Ed also calling time. Rest of you boys had your dancing shoes on so headed on to a nightclub. Lots of women, lots of charging and lots of hard luck stories. Good turn out for breakfast considering the time that most people got to bed. Lots of hard luck stories from the night before.

  

Golf Day 2 was at the De Vere course, early start 10.30, but not too early for Brian to decide he wanted a beer. Some business was done with the bar man, however Brian had forgotten one important thing, how was he going to open his Budweiser. After trying to open them on various rocks and trees he decided to get sensible and ask anyone if they had a bottle opener. Everyone looked at him like he was mad apart from Eddie who had a pitch repairer that doubled as a bottle opener. So Brian set off with a beer in each pocket. A beer drinking gunslinger. Apart from the course being a little bit wet underfoot on some holes, it was better than we had been advised. Alec managed to stay on his feet, however Jules’ toys come out of the pram on the 10th. Another CEGS first, golf clubs being thrown on the course. Scott nearly got caught in the rain on the 18th for the second day running. TC claims he walked out to meet us. This was hotly disputed it was at least 6 clicks. Food was superb, don’t think anyone managed to finish everything. 

Steve sweeps again, boring! 

Nothing else to do so we decided to head off for a few beers. Met in Raffertys and the gibbers were in full flow. 

All the pubs at the bottom part of town were heaving so TC and me headed up the street to find a quieter bar. After some abuse from the rest of you we found a good boozer and had a good laugh. We then all headed back to the gorgeous chick’s bar and a nightclub, were I paid 6 notes to go home! After the first night club some headed home while others battled on to yet another club. Back at the hotel the real fun was waiting to happen. Some of you guys had made it back to the late bar at the hotel for some nightcaps. Potter tried to sneak in however his plan was foiled and he got dragged to the bar. After untold vodkas by the chick (Brian knock back that he swapped for a pizza) there was a disappearing act Paul Daniel’s would have been proud of. Taxi for SMITH, say no more. Down for breakfast and the amount of people making it is reducing. Potter is still insistent his failure was down to everyone being at the bar, no one could work that one out.

  

Golf Day 3 is at Fleetwood golf course, bit further than the others were 15 clicks or an hour on the tram for TC. Excellent golf courses that again Ron was happy about. He believed out of bounds on the left was perfect, he never goes left. After playing two holes he had managed to get himself out of bounds !!! A great course with great weather led to really good scoring. Presentation organised for the bar at 6.15, surprise, surprise Jules turns up late and not changed as agreed. Julian was sent back up stairs to get changed. Presentation was completed without any further hiccups.

We headed off to Lytham for the obligatory end of tour curry. Tremendous curry! Steven disappeared early after making one or two calls. Thoughts of him being off to do some damage disappeared when he was found in his room later with some peanuts and crisps and a half-pint asleep like a baby. The rest of us headed off to the boozer we had been in the night before. The previous sessions were now starting to take their toll with everyone sitting down and having no bounce or buzz. We tried hard to get ourselves going and finally at 12.00 we did only to find that all the bars and nightclubs were closed. Everyone headed back to the bar at the hotel to wind down. 3.30 everyone had headed off to bed. 

Everyone got up to go, with everyone looking half-decent. Boat and Mugzer however were not finished there. We headed off with TC to see the ski slopes in the bar at the Pleasure beach. 6 pints of Stella later we headed to get our train only to find out the train from Blackpool North to Euston had been cancelled; we had to go by coach to pick up another train from Preston.

Well that’s about it for this year apart from the gibbers that are below.  

THANKS EVERYONE FOR A GREAT TOUR. 

   

Blackpool Tour – The Winners and Losers

Singles - Steve 75 points. 

Trebles – Steve / Alec / Euk 202 points. 

Wooden spoon – Jules 47 points. 

Net birdies – Ron 10 net birdies. 

Statistics / Results

Team scores on day one. (Unofficial CEGS day)

Scott                31                    Steve                38                    Brian                27      

Ron                  36                    Euk                  33                    Ed                    29

Jules                 24                    Alec                 35                    Murray             27 

Total                91                    Total                106                  Total                83 

Winners on day one – 

Singles – Steve

Team – Steve, Euk and Alec

Longest Drive – Scott

Nearest Pin – Scott

Net birdies – Steve and Ron

Hidden best – Murray

Hidden worst – Jules 

Team scores on day two Official CEGS Day;

Scott                29                    Steve                35                    Brian                33      

Ron                  28                    Euk                  31                    Ed                    29

Jules                 19                    Alec                 32                    Murray             27

Total                76                    Total                98                    Total                89 

Winners  – 

Singles – Steve

Team – Steve, Alec and Euk

Longest Drive – Euk

Nearest Pin – Ron

Net birdies – Ron and Euk

Hidden best – Steve

Hidden worst – Scott 

Team scores on day three Official CEGS Day 2 ;

Scott                32                    Steve                40                    Brian                33      

Ron                  32                    Euk                  30                    Ed                    34

Jules                 28                    Alec                 34                    Murray             35 

Total                92                    Total                104                  Total                102

Winners – 

Singles – Steve

Team – Steve, Alec and Euk

Longest Drive – Brian

Nearest Pin – Steve

Net birdies – Steve and Alec

Hidden best – Alec

Hidden worst – Ed 

Gibbers and Statements  (these are the ones that Scott, Ed, TC and Boat remembered)

BOAT – Jackies mother could well win a lot of dosh at the lottery with 5 numbers.

JULES -Yes. If she got 6 numbers and the bonus number then she would be laughing.

BOAT – Cant speak for laughing.

JULES – What are you laughing at. Oh yes.

Rest of us are wetting ourselves apart from Ed……………..

ED – It is possible to get 6 numbers and the bonus number. 

 

Boat – There is a good looking slapper. 

 

Ed discussing the length of time to play the round “ It could have been longer, but the boys in front were very slow”

 

ALEC, “ The Philippinos will sell their Twat for anything”

SCOTT, “ So, Alec, if Barbara decided to sell her Twat, how much do you think she would get for you” 

SOMEONE – “Man United have won the league then”

ED – “Did Liverpool get beat today then”

ALL – “You watched them draw 0-0 with Everton last night”

TC to Ed 

I would have played golf to help out if you had an odd number.

Ed – “You mean like 9” 

EUK – “ I am rehearsing for a show. The Director gets really stressed out though. Someone should tell her to give up directoring.” 

Ed on Sunday at Fleetwood. 

“Brian, why are you calling it purple, it’s maroon ya balloon!” 

BRIAN – “ I’ll have a pint then!” 

Brian on Saturday at De Vere 

BRIAN – “ Any chance of getting a pint mate?”

BAR MAN – “ I’m afraid not, not at 9.45”

BRIAN – “ Are you not licensed for this time of night” 

Thunder and lightning on Blackpool North Shore.

ALEC – “ Steve, do you want a shot of my brolly” 

Alec on Saturday night

“ Smith, Smith, is there anyone called Smith here”

Steve was asked if he ever played in a three club competition. After much thought  “There used to be the that one between the Caley and the Mercy” 

EUK – “ We don’t have a telly in our room” 

JULIAN – “has anyone ever got all 7 balls?”

ED – “the bonus ball is one of the 6. Isn’t it?” 

Julian to Scott and Ron, after hitting tee shot 3 yards – “that was your fault”