Day1-THE ELASTIC KITTY

No major flight delays and the Glasgow boys arrived at Malaga raring to go. Unfortunately it then took a further 1½hours for the baggage to appear. Apparently the Spanish handlers were on a go-slow but no one noticed any difference from usual so they went even slower. After a long wait, and some worried glances, the bags eventually appeared. We set off and found Scott waiting outside Arrivals with a CEGS placard. Just as we were about to phone Marinsa on Ron’s mobile they turned up and we were taken round to the car hire depot. The Luton boys were there already and Julian in his eagerness to hit Benalmadena had started negotiations for his own rental. Unfortunately all Maseratis were out that day and he eventually had to settle for a Ford Focus. Ed, Julian, and Alec became the week’s designated drivers (thanks to them) and we duly headed off for the Sunset Beach Club. During this journey we realised the car Ed was driving was in fact a cunningly disguised tractor. Whilst unpacking Ed introduced Ron to one of the most redundant sentences in the English language “Take this travel iron for Brian, he’ll probably need it.” We all met round the pool for a few beers and the start of the famous elastic kitty. 5000pts each at 2 in the afternoon lasted well into the small hours and there was even some left over for the next day. We watched Dundee draw with the Huns in the evening and this was also our first abortive attempt to get into Torremolinos (The Big T). Ron got inaugurated and we were all set for the week.

Day 2- KEEP IN CONVOY

Although we had a later than usual start for the first round that didn’t prevent the usual dithering. Old hands from Fuengirola remembered that getting to Mijas wasn’t necessarily straightforward, how right we were. Just before setting off from the SBC car park Ed was heard to shout to Alec “make sure we stick together”. This instruction lasted for about 800 yards before separation occurred. Ed, with some help from Grant, was definitely headed on the right route until some roadworks flummoxed him. Obeying his Mum’s instructions he asked a policeman and was safely escorted to the main highway. With a wave and a smile from the local constabulary (true) we set off. We hared up the main Mijas drive (well, trundled actually) to discover that Scott, Brian, Dave, and Julian were posted missing. Fortunately they did turn up some 20 minutes late (having done a pre-round scouting mission to Lauro) and were allowed to play, relief all round. After the game we retired to the restaurant for a meal and a well earned beer or two. Julian got a request for his autograph and used one of his many aliases. Ewan did his usual and got stuck into the scoring. Later that evening we made another failed attempt to get to the Big T and ended up at the Plaza Sol y Mar (that’s 24h square to you). Later on we visited the Moonlight bar at SBC and finished off with a game of Pontoons, “if you win against me for the third time you get to keep me” was the last thing I heard Brian say.

Day 3- BIG T AND THE MARSHALL (or, juego lento no aceptable).

Torrequebrada and Torremolinos, a day for both. Despite being only a drive and a wedge from SBC we are sure Alec had a little wobbly on the way there. Ed, Grant, Dave, and Murray were the lead group- BIG MISTAKE. Mr Marshall told us we were failing to keep up………….. on the second tee. Murray psyched out big time, no score for the first six holes, coulda been a contender. Further aggravation ensued at the seventh when we were chastised for fishing balls out of the pond. Ed casually enquired was it a local rule not to allow balls to be retrieved from the water whilst at the same time marking his card. A good working definition of apoplexy ensued. The most memorable visual image was Alec’s putt from the right edge of the 18th green. This eventually rolled off the front of the green some 25 feet away without getting within 10 feet of the hole. Euk has it on video.

Finally made it to the Big T but rather wished we hadn’t. Returned to 24h square to learn all about Lunn Poly’s training and awareness week (ask Dave or Julian).

Day 4- THE MOST EXPENSIVE HAM AND CHEESE TOASTIE IN THE WORLD

Day off. Ron and Ed looked out over their balcony at 10.30 to see Alec sauntering down by the poolside. Someone had left a pile of clothes on a lounger close to the pool. Joining Alec 10 minutes later we discovered that the pile of clothes was Brian. The clan gathered throughout the rest of the morning and after a couple of hours soaking some rays food was required. Just at that moment (coincidentally) Ewan appeared and we all ordered. Ewan settling on a ham and cheese toastie. When the bill came it was split equally, so immortalising these two slices of bread for evermore, Norris McWhirter has been notified.

We took a visit to the Marina in the evening with the intention of watching the Man U Juve game. Unfortunately the barman couldn’t find the channel so we found ourselves in the Park Hotel and saw a wonderful, wonderful game, pity you missed it Brian. Evening was rounded off in the Dutch Bar and other assorted hangouts where Grant had a problem with some stairs.

Day 5- THE ANSWER’S DENNIS BERGKAMP, IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

My, it was a late night wasn’t it. Didn’t sober up until the 12th. Lauro turned out to be not particularly inspiring but it did have a memorable 3rd hole, didn’t it Ron? Clubhouse service was not that great either and Julian’s Grant Mitchell impersonation was required in order to get a few beers in. Food was forgettable. This was the scene of Julian’s favourite joke-“What did Hannibal say when he saw the elephants coming over the Alps”  “Oh look, here come the elephants”. TC also squeezed one in- “ Is this your club cover” “No, I think it’s Peter Williamson’s”. Saw Chelsea vs Mallorca at the Park (what size were the goals Ron?), Ed did a little turn on the stage, then we all headed up to the square.

Day 6- THE GREEN THAT NEVER WAS AND WHERE’S TC?

Parador de Malaga, golfing bliss for some of us. However, golf is difficult enough without having someone hide the green on the fifth hole. Ed’s perfectly struck five iron was a thing of beauty, putting all his trust in his swing and the yardages. Two clubs too big, what a waste. A minor gripe, Mr Simpson can be proud. Food and service were excellent too. The golf? The Juniors won, as TC said “ Grant could pull a f***y out of a barrel of c***s the way he’s playing.”

In the evening we took a leisurely stroll from SBC down to the Bombay Palace to arrange the presentation dinner. Stopped off at the bar on the corner where Euk and TC staged a wonderful piece of street theatre—exactly who did organise the pool competition?

Julian learned a few new Scottish words like laldy and stoater. Ed put them in a sentence for him.

Day 7- THE MOST REMARKABLE STATISTIC OF THE TOUR

Final day, Santa Maria. Avoiding a Mijas situation we arrived in plenty of time. Much ordering of breakfasts only to discover that we were off 20 minutes earlier than planned.

1st tee, 100 yard carry over a pond and not one of us had an early bath, and that was remarkable.

Change of approach with the tournament leaders (Grant, Steve, Ron, and Dave ) going out last. The singles title was won with the last putt on the last green (where are Ewen Murray and Bruce Critchley when you really need them). Well done Steve, no pressure on it then?

Against all odds Grant and Murray clinched the doubles title which was well deserved. Murray was definitely the most improved golfer on Tour, Jodie’s tips have obviously helped.

Inventive shot of the week was Brian’s reverse attempt off the boulder at the par 3 15th. For this he was awarded Alec’s plaque- Best Out the Trap. Where’s the connection I hear you cry, well, instead of being; trap-sand-dune-Saudi it was; boulder-rock-stone-gem.

And so, like all good things, it came to an end.

All gibbers are below. Well done to Murray and Julian for the UK Millenium Tour next year (but not Hull, please) and to Scott and Ewan for 2001. Scott is collecting ratings for the courses we have played, please use the spread sheet to send your views, remember folks it's your vote that counts.

We hope you enjoyed it, Mr Ramsay has 3 tours on video, let him know if you wish a copy. The address of the embroidery outfit is: The Tay Shirt Co.,West Hendersons Wynd, Dundee DD1 5BY. Tel/fax 01382 322090, e-mail: bert@tay-shirt.com

Full Statistics

CARNOUSTIE EASTENDERS GOLF SOCIETY
SPRING EUROPEAN TOUR -  BENALMADENA,  SPAIN           APRIL 1999  -  SCORECARD
	STEVEN		ALEC		BRIAN		DAVE		GRANT		MURRAY		EDDIE		JULIAN		SCOTT		T.C.		RON		EWAN
	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD	STF	BRD
Day 1 - Monday
	28	2	29	5	27	1	28	4	31	4	32	6	26	3	16	3	25	2	24	4	29	3	18	0
Mijas - Los Olivios
Cumulative	28	2	29	5	27	1	28	4	31	4	32	6	26	3	16	3	25	2	24	4	29	3	18	0
Team Cumulative	57		7		55		5		63		10		42		6		49		6		47		3
Day 2 - Tuesday
	31	4	16	2	22	2	28	3	29	2	18	2	22	2	22	1	26	3	22	2	23	1	28	4
Torrequebrada
Cumulative	59	6	45	7	49	3	56	7	60	6	50	8	48	5	38	4	51	5	46	6	52	4	46	4
Team Cumulative	104		13		105		10		110		14		86		9		97		11		98		8
Day 6 - Saturday
	33	5	24	2	24	3	28	3	31	5	31	5	23	5	28	4	28	2	29	2	23	3	27	4
Santa Maria
Cumulative	92	11	69	9	73	6	84	10	91	11	81	13	71	10	66	8	79	7	75	8	75	7	73	8
Team Cumulative	161		20		157		16		172		24		137		18		154		15		148		15
SUMMARy:	SINGLES			PTS		DOUBLES					PTS		SINGLES BIRDIES				PTS		DOUBLES BIRDIES					PTS
	1	STEVEN		92		1	GRANT		MURRAY		172		1	MURRAY			13		1	GRANT		MURRAY		24
	2	GRANT		91		2	STEVEN		ALEC		161		2	GRANT			11		2	STEVEN		ALEC		20
	3	DAVE		84		3	BRIAN		DAVE		157		2	STEVEN			11		3	EDDIE		JULIAN		18
	4	MURRAY		81		4	SCOTT		T.C.		154		4	DAVE			10		4	BRIAN		DAVE		16
	5	SCOTT		79		5	RON		EWAN		148		4	EDDIE			10		5	RON		EWAN		15
	6	T.C.		75		6	EDDIE		JULIAN		137		6	ALEC			9		5	SCOTT		T.C.		15
	6	RON		75									7	EWAN			8
	8	EWAN		73									7	JULIAN			8
	8	BRIAN		73									7	T.C.			8
	10	EDDIE		71									10	RON			7
	11	ALEC		69									10	SCOTT			7
	12	JULIAN		66									12	BRIAN			6