CARNOUSTIE EAST-ENDERS GOLF SOCIETY

Spring Tour 1993, 4th - 11th April, Vilamoura

 

 

 

 

 

TOUR REVIEW

That was the week that was. Only two more years till we start all over again. The Inaugural CEGS Tour was a resounding success with just the right mix, Crap Golf and plenty bevvy. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the week just flew in.

For the official record the summary of the week is as follows:

 

SUNDAY 4th APRIL :- Left Glasgow at 7.00am. Alec and TC were pissed before we left for Portugal. Flight went ok with Henny, Grant and Ewan providing alternative soundtrack for the video cartoon. Arrived Faro 11.00am on time. Met 3D Rep then waited on the Gatwick pissheads. They arrived with Murray, then on the road. First disaster was at Almancil where hellish directions led to us going through the town three times looking for a Bull ! We met a friendly local who after doing an impression of the birdie song made us twig that he was miming a set of traffic lights. Finally to Vilamoura. Bad start - 3 hours and nine pints later no one was fit to do anything. We decided on a team objective of consuming 1000 pints of Sagres in the week. The evening began with a singing competition against 14 guys from West Calder, continued with Steven washing his jeans in Chicken Madras and ended with Brian & Murray spending £70 in the Casino.

 

MONDAY 5th APRIL:-  First day of golf at Vila Sol. This was a tough but enjoyable course with the highest stableford points going to Scott & Grant with 24. A Gorilla Snot session was organised for the early evening but not all participants managed to chew their way through the nasal mucus. The Tour Organisers were disappointed with the performance. Later that night we went to Rui’s Bar where an excellent live band were playing and Man Utd were on the telly. Alec was the most energetic after dancing with a twelve year old. Murray got chucked out of the disco for being fast asleep. Steve was that drunk he could not hear Ewan breaking the door down after 2 hours.

 

TUESDAY 6th APRIL :- Second golfing day at Vilamoura 1. One group got lost in the car and only arrived on the tee with minutes to spare. This was a better scoring day with only Steven & Henny failing to improve. Best single score was Ewan with thirty. The back nine was very tough with four par 5’s. The evening saw us hit Wellies karaoke bar. Grant decided to give Alec a lager snot & then Scott made the mistake of giving him 2 pro-pIus tablets and before we knew it he had punched an Englishman,swum to North Africa and back and flaked out on the balcony. Brian & Murray’s version of “Do ya think I’m Sexy” brought the house down. Some hit Skippers night club whilst others had an “early” night. On the way home Henny organised a Rugby Sevens for those remaining. We ended in a scrum fighting for a stolen cushion. No one owned up to farting in the scrum but by this time Hennys craps had turned black so he was prime suspect.

 

WEDNESDAY 7th APRIL- First day off the golf with a trip to the “Big One” , a water park near Albufeira. TC didn’t make it because of sunstroke whilst Brian & Murray’s excuse was that they were blootered. The rest of us had a good time and just about killed ourselves on the Kamikaze slide. At £7.50 plus a free lunch this was great value and the weather was great. At night we spent ages trying to find somewhere to watch the Rangers v Marseilles match but to no avail. In the end we landed at Tapas Bar reminiscing about old times and this was a good laugh. Late at night Grant tried to put Ewan out of his misery by putting his Golf Clubs in the bed. Ewan got the last laugh by “pissing in his suitcase”.

 

THURSDAY 8th APRIL :- Texas Scramble Day at Vilamoura 2. This was great fun, particularly for those who had not played before. Match was very close until the l3th(par 5). We decided that the worst drive should be played than the best when Ewan proceeded to put his shot out of bounds, 5 yards off the tee, much to the annoyance of his team mates. Steven, Henny, Grant & Alec won by 70 (2 under par) to 74. At night we went to a restaurant where the waitress had big “EYES” and a funny accent. SHE WAS FROM SLOUGH!!.

 

FRIDAY 9th APRIL :- Another non-golfing day. All nine of us went to Albufeira beach, Wap watching. It was just a lazy day with the highlight being Stevie getting knocked down by a wave (it was just a drip really). Correction!- The best was a snack in Fat Franks Fryer with TC having mushy peas and Murray, curry sauce and chips - both looked like cats puke. In the evening we headed to shakers where Alec knocked back a pint of Sangria in one and was in bed within 5 minutes. The rest headed to Skippers where Ewan fell asleep on a stool. Scott’s only memory was dancing on a bar stool to “Carolina” and then staggering home at 5.00am to a Brian& Murray duet of “part-time scooper’!

 

SATURDAY 10th APRIL :- Final day’s golf at Vilamoura 2 . At the start Ewan & Scott were eleven shots ahead in the team event with Grant 3 ahead of Steven and only 1 ahead of Scott in the singles. We all generally benefitted as this was our second game on Vilamoura 2 as it suited everyone. Grant got pissed off when he found out that Ewan was getting a stroke a hole and went mental getting a string of birdies leading to him scoring 22 points in the back nine. Grant had the best single score with 36 points.

After arriving back at the Hotel we had the Tennis Tournament. The standard was pretty pathetic although Grant & Henny proved comfortable winners in the end. By the way earlier in the week TC won the pool competition. Alec who started pre-match favourite got beaten in the first round by Scott.

At night we all hit the Indian restaurant for the presentation dinner and prizegiving. Our waiter was a great guy who spoke good English and was an ardent Benfica supporter who kept us updated on the score that night. During the ceremony Grant fell for Ewan’s story about the bloke who “sliced off the 1st Tee on the Burnside” disaster! The weeks stats are below.

 

SUNDAY 11th APRIL :- Brian confirmed his status of Social animal. Meeting time for departure was 8:30am. Ewan met Brian in the foyer at 8:00am when Ewan congratulated him for being on time at during tour at last. Brian Looked confused - stated he had just left the disco, had not been home and was on his way looking for a point!!

Well that’s about it. Thank you to everyone for contributing to one of the best holidays we all have ever had. The Tour Video will be passed around all members. If I edited out the bad bits there would be nothing  left to tell but be warned it contains explicit language!!

 ROLL ON 1995

 

WINNERS & LOSERS

Doubles Stableford :- Scott & Ewan 157 points

Singles Stableford :-   Grant  88 points

Team Net Birdies :-   Scott & Ewan 22

Stableford Wooden Spoon:- TC & Brian 113 points

Steady Eddie Award :- Steven 21 scores of 2 pts out of 54

Least Money Earner :- Brian  £3

Texas Scramble :- Steven/Grant/Henny/Alec 70

Worst Cum score at 17th hole :- Henny 30 (included a 5 !!)

Most improved player:- TC 7/19/26

Most memorable shots :- Alec(Water Shot) & TC (Fart in backswing)

Social Animal of Week :- Brian

Most fashion conscious tourist :- Murray