TOUR REVIEW

 

Well, what can I say! What a week that was, everyone appeared to enjoy themselves and the week just flew in. Once again a fine mixture of golf, food, drink and banter leant itself to making for a superb tour. For his inaugural tour Dave seemed to have a great time, was excellent company and for an Englishman appears to be another good addition to the CEGS membership.

For posterity the summary of the week is as follows:

 

Saturday 12th April - The southern belles flew out on time stealing the march on the Scots. Murray turned up which suprised everyone and the week was off to a flyer.

 

Sunday 13th April - The Jocks left Glasgow at 7.00am, everyone was sober despite Eddie issuing beers at 3.00am, small panic ensued waiting on Lugs who then didn’t disappoint by walking in the exit door and straight to the front of the q. The flight was fine, T shat himself, then we landed. Some hassle getting the cars and we were off, good directions and excellent navigation by myself led us straight to the Pyr Hotel bar within the hour. Here we met up with the Belles and the week began in earnest - 12 pints and a game of cards followed by a night on the town.

 

Monday 14th April - As organiser I was amazed to find everyone in the foyer on time, an easy trip to Guadalmina was rapidly destroyed by that snooty bitch refusing us tee times. After picking myself up and some mean negotiation the tour commenced with yours truly shaking like a leaf and creaming a drive just past the ladies tee (no photos please!). By the end of the days golf it was clear Mr L was in the right frame of mind for the week when he won everything. A good meal and a few beers in the club ended the first days golf outing and gave good indications of the days to follow. The down side to the day was a suggestion by somebody to go and watch United v Killie, Dire!

 

Tuesday 15th April - Set off for G.C. Marbella with some trepidation, would we get a game? As things turned out there were no further cock-ups on the tee times and we were off on time. Course assessment - Bloody murder, if God wanted courses on mountains, goats would be born with handicaps. The day is best summed up by one statistic - 46 Balls!! Close of play today saw everyone in Flicks for Middlesborough v Leicester.

 

Wednesday 16th April - A day of good intentions lost. The proposal to visit Marbella, do some shopping and buy the gifts was superseded by a morning at the pool for a karaoke session with Ed followed by an afternoon session in Flicks. Certain tour members then enjoyed a game of beach volleyball which came to an abrupt end when Lugs toppled over and skinned his knee (awe shame!). This obviously affected his brain as we were then subjected to the annual rendition of ‘No eye Deer and Baseball boot jokes. The evening was rounded off in fine style with a few beers in Sinatras bar.

 

Thursday 17th April - Again surprise as everyone appears on time, a quick jaunt up to La Quinta was followed by a most enjoyable day of Texas Scramble, the light hearted approach to this fun day is shown by the amount of gibbers which occurred. The day ended in fine fashion in the Sports Bar where Grant won the pool competition by defeating a certain Englishman in the final.

 

Friday 18th April - Final Days golf at Los Naranjos. The singles appeared a forgone conclusion to most of us by now with Mr L a super 18 points clear but it was still all to play for in the Team events. A beautiful course with open fairways led to a big reduction in the lost ball ratio and a marked improvement in most peoples scores. Highlight of the day was me sleeving my only putt of the tour on the 18th.

Presentation night followed tradition and was held in Khans the local Indian restaurant. Another great night with Scott taking the singles title and Grant and Dave the doubles, some great banter and excellent service from Christine all helped to make the evening a success, unfortunately Brian wouldn’t know. The event wound up with an excellent rendition of ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ as everyone returned to the Pyr with their winnings. Alas all good things come to an end, as did I after a wicked round of slammers at 2.00am, never again.

 

Saturday 19th April- Another non-golfing day. The day was somewhat overcast and again all good intentions were set aside in favour of a day on the batter. An excellent afternoon was spent watching Man U v Liverpool and playing killer pool. The weeks events were obviously telling by now as almost everyone had their earliest night on tour.

 

Sunday 20th April - Checking out - Age must be telling on the membership, once again everyone was up on time for departure, after saying our farewells to the Belles the Jocks set off in typical Scottish weather (pissing rain) for Malaga Airport. An uneventful journey aside from Grant getting stung for petrol money was followed by mass panic when TC disappeared in the airport. The extent of panic can be gauged by the fact that Eddie was sticking his head under bog doors looking for him. Eventually after being located in the Duty free T was dragged out minus his booty and everyone made the plane. An uneventful flight home was followed by a more uneventful bus ride and the tour wound up in the Aboukir car park. The Belles also travelled on schedule but not until after Murray had hidden Brians air ticket causing Brian to stomp off to sort out the airport staff declaring “I’m not happy about this”.

Finally may I suggest that everyone checks their golf bag very carefully indeed due to the fact that Grant travelled home with a very smug smile on his face.

Well, that’s my stint as organiser over for a few years, I hope everyone had a few laughs over the past months, I’d like to thank everyone for contributing to another great tour, especially TC and Lugs for the work they put in and take this opportunity to wish Eddie and Dave all the best for two years time.

 Thanks and best wishes to everyone,

see you all in Newcastle courtesy of Brian & Murray,

Cheers, Mr P.

 

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

SCOTT - “Straight dog-leg to the right”.

SCOTT - “The winds straight, left to right”.

SCOTT - After his ball had landed on the next tee “I’m going up to have a look, I don’t trust these bastards”.

SCOTT - (on worst drive hole) - SWISH - “Oh Fuck

SCOTT - “look, her bare is back”.

ALEC - Texas Scramble - “That’s the best drive I’ve hit all week, BASTARD it’s hit the fuckin tractor”

ALEC - After hitting a great drive into the vicinity of a Spic whilst playing Marbella there was - “Nae Ba!”

ALEC - During texas scramble — “Can you see the ball Alec”, “No, It’s in the bunker”.

STEVE - Referring to a sunbed - “Scott, What about the sunsleep story”.

LUGS - “A wee stagger to the left” - pointing right at the time.

EDDIE - During texas scramble - Downhill putt, “If we’re going to make this it’s got to go in”. 

EDD  EDDIE - Looking for his brolly after the Longest Drive hole “Didn’t Lugs pick it up” instantly realising that Lugs was playing in front of him.

TC -    Sinatras - The creepy weed we christened Tony Gordeno (real name Gary) “Hey, Tony, I think your pals are shouting on you”.

TC -    Steve, “Lets fill the car with petrol Saturday morning”, TC, “Don’t do that, you’re going to Villamoura in the afternoon

TC - On seeing a 3 tier house on the mountainside - “Fuck, I’d be sitting watching tv with a seat belt on”.

Middlesborough v Leicester

Murray, “Middlesborough and Leicester are playing”, Eddie, “Isn’t it Middlesborough and Leicester”.

Brian at halftime while watching the footie in Flicks, “Who’s in the Coca-Cola cup final”.

Grant - “When’s the replay?”.

Murray, on seeing low cloud cover on Saturday morning - “Look, nipple mountain’s got a bra on”

 

STRANGE BUT TRUE

Dave’s fresh air shot during the texas scramble was still the next best shot to play.

The total number of balls lost during the week totalled 123.

Strangest sight on the course was Ed shaking his golf bag and tipping all his clubs over the ground - this was due to the fact that he had dropped his fag down his bag.

T lost a ball up a palm tree.

EDDIE - For my money the funniest quote (or non-quote) of the week occurred around the pool when Ed in his own inimitable style told a story containing the word, “Ob”, “Ob”, “Ob”, “Ob”, “Obnoxious”

SINGLES / TEAM RESULTS

STABLEFORD

SINGLES STABLEFORD CHAMPION                   -
SINGLES STABLEFORD R/UP                   -
SINGLES STABLEFORD LAST                   -

SCOTT

 

GRANT

 

MURRAY

-  103 Pts

 

-  86 Pts

 

-  29 Pts

Shield, Scoop, 3 Balls

 

Carnoustie cap, 2 Balls

 

Cap, 2 Balls

 

 

DOUBLES STABLEFORD CHAMPIONS -

 

DOUBLES STABLEFORD R!UP                   -

 

DOUBLES STABLEFORD LAST PLACE -

 

 

 

MOST NET BIRDIES SINGLE MOST NET BIRDIES DOUBLES MOST NO POINTS SINGLES

GRANT & DAVE

 

STEVE & LUGS

 

BRIAN & ALEC

-          SCOTT

-          STEVE&LUGS

-          MURRAY

- 162 Pts

 

- 148 Pts

 

- 122 Pts

 

 

 

—11

 

- 17

Shield, Putter cover, 3 Balls

 

Towel, I Ball

 

Wooden spoon, 2 Balls

 

 

 

Brolley, 2 Balls

 

Cap, I Ball

 

3 Balls

 

 

 

OTHER PRIZES

 

MURRAYS NEAREST PIN TROPHY

 

VARIETY TROPHY AWARDED BY MURRAY

 

LOST BALL COUNT

 

COUNTER WATCH

 

HEAD COVER

 

TALC HOLDER

 

RUBBER WINTER TEES -

 

3 BALLS

 

I BALL

 

6 PLASTIC PRACTICE BALLS

 

3 BALLS

 

FUENGEROLA TROPHY

          GRANT
          DAVE
-          BRIAN
-          LUGS (for another excellent display of statistics)
-        TC (for initiatives with the ‘DORK’ cap & lost ball competition)
-          BRIAN (to avoid embarrassing following golfers by leaving his talc)

 

GRANT, EDDIE & STEVE (for persevering all winter then NO! ballot)

 

-         DAVE (For achieving 0 Psetas in the sweepies)

 

-         MURRAY (For the most lost balls)

 

LUGS ( For mandatory use during the next longest drive competition)

 

EDDIE (For stopping the wind)

 

BRIAN (For winning the lost ball count)

 

 

COMMEMORATIVE PITCH REPAIRERS FOR ALL CEGS MEMBERS